So much has passed, so many seconds have flashed by and now I look back. For what have I done – where have I placed value? Why do I forget what is real and what is nothingness? My life is full of rubbish, things that I am ashamed of – things I wish I would never have done – a life full of sin and deceit. The core of who I am – who can know it? Will anyone confront me – will not anyone call me to account for the evil I have done? Or will it go un-noticed here? My seconds are wasted, for I am a two minded man. I give lip service to the Savior and I despise Him with my actions, with my thoughts, with my seconds. I am the one begging for mercy and then beating my fellow slave for a few cents – I am he! Oh, the depravity of my soul! Within my heart I long to be His and His only, but I am decieved for I do not do what I say I long to do – I am doing the world in plain view of my true love and in my shame I am helpless to do anything other than what I am used to. Oh, when will the second come when I am transformed into His likeness? To no longer struggle with myself, to no longer struggle with the person of sin in me? I am dying, but I am not dead. I am struggling for breath, but not yet unto blood.
Rescue me – my only Savior – for who else is there? You alone have the words of life from the Father. I will lay at Your feet, though I still faulter – I am a crumpled mess on the ground before Your throne. I lay at Your feet – For I have fallen – I am fallen.
Forgive me, open my eyes to see your glory – to see You – that I might be changed! And from that second, oh that precious second I will no longer faulter – that second will be more valueable that all that is here in this world – only less compared with You, the So Be It; who, in Your great and awesome mercy gave me, a worm, new life.
May You be praised for all eternity – grant that I too will praise You in your courts.